Chapter 15 of The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones: I just wrote two academic papers and I think my brain might be crying.

First things first:

SERIOUSLY I AM SO SORRY. This semester kicked my ass and not even in a fun, friendly way. It curb-stomped me. I cannot even believe I’m still able to coherently create sentences.

If you don’t remember where we left off (and I don’t blame you) Fairy and Jace had just infiltrated our vampire clan for Simon, and then some werewolves showed up.

Seriously, that’s what happened.

So, yes. Some wolves busted into an old hotel while Fairy and Jace were having a standoff with some vampires, and then the chapter begins with an elementary school lesson of Spanish:

“Los Niños de la Luna,” he hissed. Even Clary, whose Spanish was almost nonexistent, knew what he had said. The Moon’s Children—werewolves.

Yes, thank you for that. Why not just use the actual Spanish word for werewolf?



Apparently the werewolves and the vampires have a Twilight-esque agreement that they never step foot on each other’s turfs, and this means that something Very Bad has happened.

They’re looking for Fairy (why does everyone want her in this novel I swear to God SOMEONE JUST TAKE HER AND END THIS SERIES) and a huge war ensues, which is... not interesting, sadly. Like, we don't get to experience any of it as a reader because Fairy and Jace are kinda just standing in a corner trying not to be noticed and get out.

Simon is playing the role of Scabbers this evening, and he finds a door hidden behind a tapestry, and just as they’re about to go through, this happens:

She reached for her belt, grabbed the dagger, and threw it. She’d never thrown a weapon before, never even thought of throwing one. The closest she’d come to weaponry before this week was drawing pictures of them, so Clary was more surprised than anyone else, she suspected, when the dagger flew, wobbly but true, and sank into the werewolf’s side.

NO WAY. NO EFFING WAY SHE DID THAT. Do you know how hard it is to throw a dagger properly? To train yourself so that reaching for it is your first instinct and being paralysed with fear isn’t? This is literally akin to shooting a bow and arrow and hitting your target for the first time ever. It would’ve been more believable to have her shoot a gun and hit something, but I guess that doesn’t go with the whole ‘magical’ weapons thing. The amount of force it takes to actually drive a knife into something, especially from a distance, is not something that comes automatically to someone. This is completely unbelievable, and it would've made more sense if she grew wings and spat fire on them instead.

They get through the door and Jace casts a rune on it to keep them safe, and then this whole section is devoted to an escape, so I guess that’s the rest of the chapter probably.

Clary gripped the banister for balance, and a chunk of it snapped off in her hand, making her squeak and wringing an exhausted chuckle out of Jace. He took her hand. “Here. Steady.” Simon made a sound that, for a rat, sounded a lot like a snort.

Can’t have an escape without shoving that love triangle down our throats! Doesn’t matter that rat!Simon is in Fairy’s pocket and would probably be inaudible—THESE MEN ARE FIGHTING OVER FAIRY AND CC NEEDS YOU TO KNOW ABOUT IT.

They end up stranded on the top of a roof with no escape and Fairy begins to hallucinate runes:

Something began to take shape in the back of Clary’s mind. A rune danced against the backs of her eyelids: two downward triangles, joined by a single bar—a rune like a pair of wings …

I’m sure this is where her extraordinariness will come in later. Jace then discovers FLYING MOTORCYCLES which... you know, totally new idea, definitely not like another series I’ve read.

Sirius has no idea what I'm referring to.

“Now put your arms around me.” She did, feeling the hard muscles of his abdomen contract as he leaned forward and jammed the point of the stele into the ignition.

I know you were all wondering, but Jace has rock-hard abs, so you can all stop asking about it.

She clutched convulsively at Jace’s belt

Girl, if you’re gonna cop a feel, own it, don’t just pretend because you’re scared.

But seriously, this is right in the middle of a paragraph that describes them escaping on a motorcycle off the top of a roof from werewolves and it’s so out of place. Like, mega out of place.

So they’re just flying in the sky and there’s some flirting and no real plot progress at all (some more belt grabbing though:

Clary shrieked and grabbed for his belt again.)

And then of course the bike crashes because it runs on Demon Energies and once the sun comes up they all turn into pumpkins? It’s basically an excuse for a high-stakes scene which is so dumb because we had one back at the hotel with werewolves and vampires, but instead I’m supposed to be worried that she might get injured when Jace lands a motorcycle too hard on the pavement.

This is so frustrating. There are so many good suspenseful moments that keep getting pushed aside for these ones where there isn’t any real danger to her life (because the reader knows that she’s not going to die in a motorcycle crash). And you know why? Because of this bullshit:

She put her arms around [Simon]. Everything about him was familiar, from the overwashed fabric of his T-shirt to the sharp angle of the collarbone that rested just under her chin. He said her name, and she stroked his back reassuringly. When she glanced back just for a moment, she saw Jace turning away as if the brightness of the rising sun hurt his eyes.

All of CC’s suspense is being sacrificed so that we can have more love-triangle moments, because apparently that’s the only thing teenage girls want to read about (sidenote: it’s not, and you can include a romantic subplot without derailing your whole novel).

What happened in this chapter: They escaped werewolves and vampires, and the motorcycle they were on crash-landed. That’s actually it. But the whole thing was drawn out because CC wanted us to read little things about Fairy clutching Jace’s belt and his rock-hard abs and then Simon getting jealous over and over again.

THAT'S IT.

Until next time, babes! I promise the next one will be up in a week or so (that’s when all of my papers are due!).