Chapter 12 of The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones: This chapter was mercifully short and I'm pleased with that, at least.

School just started so I bet I’m gonna go a week without updating this but I’m gonna try really hard not to! They really only take about an hour, mainly because I’m usually so busy trying actively to not read it, because it sucks.

Remember how at the end of the next chapter I told you that I bet the beginning of this chapter would start with them travelling to this party? Guess what:

They made their way from the subway station, Isabelle navigating with the Sensor, which seemed to have a sort of mapping system built in.

just imagine these as all of my facial expressions while reading this book from now on.

Like... google maps? This book was published in 2007, and we definitely had at least GPS and blackberry’s by then... so.... yeah. But sure, I can suspend my disbelief about that I guess.

There’s more walking and the writing equivalent to filling up on bread before the main course comes along (if the main course was currently being made up off the top of the chef’s head and they had none of the skills required to make it), and they finally get to the party.

I’m serious, it takes two whole pages for me to actually get to the party, despite the fact that the only thing I learned in those pages was that vampires love flashy motorbikes.

Magnus opens the door to his own party, which is fucking lame lol amirite?  He sounds fucking awesome, except that we get this weird little tidbit:

Clary guessed from the curve of his sleepy eyes and the gold tone of his evenly tanned skin that he was part Asian.

Sleepy eyes??? She ‘guessed’ that he was part Asian? This is an omniscient fucking third-person narrative. She could have literally just told us what race this character was—why does Fairy have to point it out to us? I can’t quite articulate what pisses me off about that description, but my god does it ever. Also, stop describing POC with weird adjectives I swear to all that is holy.

He’s like, “who the fuck invited underaged children to my goddamn house party GOD DAMNIT”, and I’m already super stoked about this character. What is it with authors of bad books accidentally writing good side characters all the time?

Isabelle took out her invitation and waved it like a white flag. “I have an invitation.”

Why would she be waving it like a white flag? She’s not surrendering, she’s actually standing up against him right now—I just, do people not think about the metaphors they use before they use them!?

Again, we’re treated to their journey up the stairs to the apartment (which is useless) and this happens:

Clary laughed out loud. Immediately Isabelle was beside her, breathing down her neck. “Am I missing something funny? Simon?”
Simon had the grace to look embarrassed, but said nothing.

Nooooo. Nooo please don’t turn Isabelle into a jealous girlfriend trope. This is so against her character I don’t even understand how she could manage it but I’m sure she’ll try—why would Simon be allowed to talk to his best friend? Why would he be embarrassed? WHY DO I CARE?

The description of Magnus’ loft is pretty short, which is a feat and I’m proud, but again, CC can’t resist throwing some weird phrases in there.

A lilac-skinned woman in a metallic bustier was ranging drinks along the bar in tall, harshly colored glasses that tinted the fluid inside them: blood red, cyanosis blue, poison green.

I’m not embarrassed to say I had to google what the hell cyanosis is:

Cyanosis is the appearance of a blue or purple coloration of the skin or mucous membranes due to the tissues near the skin surface having low oxygen saturation.

So... it’s just blue skin. Like it’s literally a blue skin condition. That’s cool, or whatever, but the fact that I had to google it isn’t really fantastic for a description. Also, ‘poison’ green? Nope. Nopenopenope. Not a thing. If you were going for cartoon-ish descriptions, sure, but the two adjectives preceding it had to do with the body, so why not keep that theme?

It’s honestly those little things that makes good writing—you wouldn’t even notice unless you were really doing a close read if she had decided to do all body related adjectives, but it would’ve registered on some level and added to the experience.

Magnus appears and graciously asks if she likes the party:

She tried to smile. “Is it in honor of anything?”
“My cat’s birthday.”
“Oh.” She glanced around. “Where’s your cat?”

fairy, I finally understand you.

Here it is, folks, here is the one thing I have in common with Fairy—I will always find the pet at any party.

Simon was doing what he usually did in lieu of dancing, which was to bounce up and down on the balls of his feet, looking uncomfortable. Isabelle was slinking in a circle around him, sinuous as a snake, trailing her fingers across his chest. She was looking at him as if she were planning to drag him off into a corner to have sex. Clary hugged her arms around herself, her bracelets clanking together. If they dance any closer together, they won’t have to go off in a corner to have sex.

I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING AT THIS IMAGE. It’s generally a really bad idea to try and describe any sort of dancing anyway, because it’s really difficult, but the image of Isabelle is too much for me to handle. I’m literally imagining Dr. Zoidberg’s mating dance right now:

left: isabelle right: simon

Second, don’t think I haven’t frowned at that last part. I’m so not here for judgy Fairy and her “ugh how dare my friend have a sexual relationship with anyone” bullshit. Also, repeating “sex” twice within two sentences is, you guessed it, really awkward phrasing.

Magnus does some fancy sorcery to get someone to leave the party and the rest of the gang crowd around him like excited children, but it’s pretty endearing to read, honestly. Like, it’s nice to see them in awe of an adult because... you know, they’re teenagers. It makes them more real.

They ask to talk to Magnus somewhere private and he takes them to his bedroom!? If they weren’t all underage I would make orgy jokes.

Anyway, it turns out Magnus signed her mind when he put a block on her memories, which is just fucking hilarious enough for me to overlook how much of a plot device it is.

CC seems to have gone to the soap opera school of writing where every chapter has to end on a cliffhanger underscored by some tinny shocking music even if it’s not even that shocking, case in point:

“I was proud of my work on you,” he said slowly, looking at Clary. “So clean. So perfect. What you saw you would forget, even as you saw it. No image of pixie or goblin or long-legged beastie would remain to trouble your blameless mortal sleep. It was the way she wanted it.”
Clary’s voice was thin with tension. “The way who wanted it?”
Magnus sighed, [ ... ] “Your mother,” he said. 

WHY IS THIS EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE SHOCKING. I could’ve friggin’ guessed this if I’d known the block was placed there at someone’s request (and not just for Magnus’ own reasons). There’s that annoying trick again, though! Not giving us all of the information in a way that makes every little thing seem like a big reveal. You know how this could have ended?

“Your mother asked me to place the block there when you were younger so she could protect you.”

And then maybe Fairy reflects on it for a sentence, not like the most dramatic thing that’s happened to her EVER.

Yay, that chapter is done. Excuse me while I go celebrate and do some real readings for university.